Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. My birthday was on Tuesday, and I decided to have every bartender’s favorite drink — the one someone else makes for them. I headed down to Tiki Underground, my favorite bar ever, and revisited one of the earliest drinks I made for Wonkette. Time to make a Navy Grog. Here’s the recipe.

Navy Grog

¾ oz fresh lime juice

¾ oz grapefruit juice

½ oz honey syrup

1 oz Hamilton 151 Rum

1 oz Appleton Estate Rum

1 oz Bacardi 8-Year Rum

Shake well and strain into a double old-fashioned glass over ice (an ice cone is nice but unnecessary). Garnish with a lime wheel and edible flower.

Yes, that is two ounces of rum and one ounce of overproof rum. My wife was the designated driver. I’m very grateful. Donn Beach created this cocktail as a manly drink, “A robust rum punch dedicated to the gallant men of the American Navy.” It’s a strong one — possibly too strong, as history will attest. The signature ice cone contributes to the drink's strength, providing maximum chill with minimal dilution. (Navy Grogs are often served with a wide metal straw inserted into the cone, cooling the drink as you sip it.) If you need to add a touch of seltzer to this one to make it less ferocious, go ahead. I won’t judge.

This is the most infamous tiki drink in Donn Beach’s recipe book, mostly due to the character of its fans. Richard Nixon loved this drink. He would drag Cabinet members to the Trader Vic’s at Sixteenth and Kay, downing a few with the boys. Kissinger said that Nixon would visit the bar at 3 AM during Watergate. They opened the bar just for him — one bartender, one customer, many glasses of Navy Grog. To this day, that bartender never spoke of what Nixon said when he was deep in his cups.

Phil Spector was also a big fan of this drink. He stopped by Trader Vic’s in Beverly Hills on the night he murdered Lana Clarkson. One of the bartenders testified that Phil Spector ordered two of these before heading off into the night. He was sentenced to nineteen years to life for her murder. For the record, I only had one of these … and a Mai Tai.

Let’s talk ingredients:

Hamilton 151 Rum: This rum is 75 percent alcohol, so it’s not for the faint of heart. It’s also intensely flavorful, with dark caramel notes I expect from a Demerara rum. I generally use the Hamilton 86 when I want to keep upright longer. I’d recommend that substitution if you find this drink a bit daunting.

Appleton Estate: A classic aged Jamaican rum that brings funk and brightness to the party. Smith and Cross would be another excellent choice of rum here.

Bacardi 8 year: The richest, most flavorful Bacardi you can buy on the shelf, full of the classic flavors most people identify as “rum.” Donn Beach’s motto regarding rum was “Why drink only one when three will do?” These bottles demonstrate why three rums are better than one in a glass. Rum has a wide variety of flavors and character based on where and how it’s made. All these different flavors of rum harmonize. Put them together in one glass, and tiki magic happens.

Lime juice: Always fresh. Adding bottled lime juice to this beauty is sacrilege.

Grapefruit juice: Fresh is preferred here, but Tiki Underground does use bottled juice. Try to avoid grapefruit juice “cocktails” and get pure grapefruit if possible.

Honey syrup: 1:1 honey to water, heated until the honey dissolves. Pure honey sticks to your shaking tin like chewing gum if you don’t dilute it.

Garnish: If you’re bold enough to make this at home, use some large ice cubes instead of the cone; it’s too much hassle to make by yourself. Better yet, support your local tiki bar and get this at the bar. It’s a trip worth making.

In summary and conclusion, drink well, drink often, and tip your bartender — donate to Wonkette at the link below!

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We aren’t linking to Amazon anymore, because fuck that coward Bezos with a rusty bar spoon. Go read Smuggler's Cove: Exotic Cocktails, Rum, and the Cult of Tiki instead. This book inspired my love of tiki and bartending. It’s the most used and loved book in my library. Go get a copy.

You can find me on Bluesky at @samuraigrog!

OPEN THREAD! DRINK!